The positive relationships in our lives didn’t happen by accident. We developed relationship skills such as communication and teamwork, that have helped us to then build relationships with people who love us, inspire us, and help us to be better versions of ourselves. These relationships continue to grow by being nurtured with gratitude and empathy.
The people we walk through life with, whether it be for a few moments or a lifetime, play a significant role in how we learn to build positive relationships. Relationships skills, as one of the core competencies of social emotional learning, Examples of relationship skills include:
- Communication and listening skills
- Conflict resolution
- Appreciation
- Appreciation of cultural differences
- Teamwork
- How to ask for help
- Relationship skills are important for children as they build and maintain positive and meaningful relationships.
Why are positive relationships important?
Since 1938, researchers from the Harvard Study of Adult Development have consistently found that positive relationships are essential not only to our happiness and wellbeing, but they also positively impact our health and help us live longer. This long-term research concluded that “Close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives.”
A growing body of research also showed that positive and stable relationships with at least one caring adult can help children develop resilience and overcome the harmful effects of trauma and Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs).
As we experience positive relationships with others, we also develop a positive relationship to our inner self, fostering self-compassion, words of encouragement, and gentleness. Positive relationships offer a safe environment, where we feel confident that we can be our most authentic self with others, helping us bond more deeply with others.
How do you recognise a positive relationship?
In addition to their families, childcare workers and teachers, children are navigating how to build friendships. How do we recognise a positive friendship? Children naturally recognise that good friendship is reciprocal, affectionate, and reliable. They teach the rules of reciprocity, mutuality, and equity to one another through interactions in play. This is important for understanding why one of the best ways to develop social emotional skills is through play. As adults, we can model for children how we recognise our positive friendships by sharing why we appreciate the people in our lives.
How to develop positive relationships
Build social awareness
When we recognise the emotions of others, we can be empathetic to their needs. Additionally, without realising it, we might discover that we tend to gravitate toward others whose nonverbal body language tells us they are open and welcoming. This is otherwise known as social cues, which can be informative as to whether someone might be receptive to building a relationship. For example, a child who is new to a school will be most likely to build a relationship with the person who was smiling and engaging with them.
Show interest in learning about them
Think about how you feel when someone asks you about something you love or enjoy. Maybe it is a new hobby or your favourite sports team. It is fun to talk about what brings us joy and we feel positive about the person we are sharing with when they show interest in our interests! You can place children in groups and guide their conversation using a group activity. When we are engaged in learning about the interests of others, it is also an opportunity to practice our listening skills. Nonverbal cues such as nodding and smiling lets the other person know they have your attention and that what they are saying is important to you too.
Find common ground
Have you ever bonded with someone over a certain movie, book, or even a favourite snack? It can be comforting to find others who like the same things you do and we can develop our empathy when, in those same relationships, we can also begin to understand the things we don’t have in common. As adults, the common ground we find in our most meaningful relationships tends to be grounded in values. For children who are learning how to build relationships, finding something they have in common with someone else is an incredible place to start a growing friendship. Activities like “Just Like Me” can be used to build community by giving children the opportunity to recognise shared interests.
Demonstrate patience
Our ability to be patient will foster empathy and respect for others. Perspective is an important strategy for practicing patience. It helps us to consider why someone might be acting a certain way. We build stronger relationships with others when we are able to respond to situations with patience and understanding.
Welcome others
One of the best ways to help others to feel welcomed and begin building relationships is through acts of kindness. Who can you say hello to today? Who can you sit with at lunch today and ask about their day? Is there anyone new you can introduce to your friends? These small acts of kindness for children in their community can make a difference and be the start of lifelong friendships.
How to nurture positive relationships
Practice empathy
When we show empathy, we are prioritising caring for others. We feel supported when our feelings are acknowledged and we are cared for by others. As caregivers, we can help our children draw connections between feelings they have experienced and how others might be suffering from similar or more difficult situations.
Give gratitude
Gratitude teaches us to show appreciation through action. Words of affirmation are valued in any relationship and help us to feel known, seen, and appreciated by others. When we take the time to say “thank you,” we are affirming the other person that they had a positive impact on our life. Words of gratitude and affirmation can also help build others’ confidence!
Seek and offer help
When we offer help to others, we are building towards a relationship that is reliable and built on trust. The same goes for when we ask for help. As childcare workers, we can model this by asking children for help with small tasks and offering to help when needed. For example, when we offer help we can point out something we noticed: “You mentioned feeling frustrated with math, how can I help you?” This lets others know that you are someone they can depend on and builds social awareness.
Peace protocol
Conflicts are inherent to relationships, practicing healthy ways to resolve them will strengthen our relationships with family and friends. The goal of a “peace protocol” for resolving conflicts is to “empower children to be independent in solving problems by giving them the words they need to be heard in a respectful manner.”